Who Said Catholics Don't Have A Sense Of Humor?

CATHOLIC GOLF

Catholic or not you have to laugh at this one.

A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "Shit, I missed." The good Sister told him to watch his language. On his next swing, he missed again. "Shit, I missed." "Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly.. The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed. Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that." On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "Shit, I missed." A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.. read on

And from the sky comes a booming voice ......

"Shit, I missed."

Google Is Great For More Than Just Searching

I've recently been discovering (or in some cases re-discovering) some of the awesome free stuff that Google has to offer. My Google Dashboard lights up like a Christmas tree now that I'm using so many of their tools. Here are a few that I've started (re)using lately.

Gmail - After looking at the web-based interface on and off for a while, I decided to take the leap. My primary e-mail address, which uses my own domain (swackhammer.net) automatically forwards all e-mail to my Gmail account. Advantages I love include speed, ability to quickly search all e-mails for what I need, and integration with all my contacts.

Google Voice - I give out one number to everyone, then can customize what phone will ring and when based on who is calling me. Annoying call from recruiter or telemarketer? Just tell Google Voice to send them to voicemail. Or better yet, play a message that indicates your number is no longer in service. :-) And when you do get a voicemail, you can read a transcript of it via SMS or in your e-mail so you don't even have to listen to it. (Although some people's accents make for some very interesting transcripts.)

Google Contacts - Integration with Gmail and Google Voice--all your important contacts in one place, all easily reachable from any web browser.

Google Reader - RSS (Really Simple Syndication) feed-reader allows me to sign up for all the news and blogs I care about and read them at my leisure. I also use the NewsRack app on my iPhone which syncs with Google Reader. Any article I read on my iPhone gets marked as "read" so I won't waste time reading it a second time if I'm using Google Reader in a web browser.

Blogger - I've heard many people say they like WordPress better, but until I need features that WordPress offers, this works great for me.

Best of all, these services are FREE. I know, I know--you may be one of those people that hate Google and don't want them tracking your every move. I'm aware of my online footprint, and as a techie I fully understand that if someone really wants to find out more about me, they will anyway.

How do you use Google? What non-Google services do you love in place of these and why?

Don't Drink and Drive; DO Geekout and Drive

I've been listening to Pandora on my iPhone while driving to and from work for weeks now, and I love it. I am very musically oriented. But I've saturated myself with awesome music for now. I wanted something different to occupy my time in the car. So I started searching for some interesting technical podcasts to listen to. Here's some great ones that I found:

Packet Pushers Podcast (http://packetpushers.net/) - Roundtable of network engineers talking about the week's happenings in the networking industry

Tech News Today (http://twit.tv/tnt) - Amusing daily look at technology news from different sources, quite professionally done

vChat (http://www.vmwarevideos.com/vchat) - Fantastic discussions about VMWare

Wireless LAN Professionals (http://wirelesslanprofessionals.com/category/podcasts/wlw/) - Helps me keep up with wireless technology in the enterprise

What other podcasts do you recommend? Tell me on Twitter @swackhap!

A rancher hired an architect, an engineer, and a mathematician to design the largest animal pen possible using only a limited number of fence segments.

The architect arranged all the fence pieces in a perfect square. "Making all sides equal in length maximizes the space," he explained to the farmer, who looked on with interest.
Next, the engineer took the fence pieces and arranged them in a large circle. "Eliminating sides and making the pen round produces a shape with even greater area than a square," he told the farmer, who was even more impressed.
Finally, the mathematician took only three fence pieces and arranged them in a triangle with himself in the middle. "I am outside the pen," he declared.

Scam Against Older Men

Gentlemen, beware! Ladies, warn your men! Here is a scam that has recently come to my attention. Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall, in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. It’s a “heads up” for those men who may be regular Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart customers. This one caught me totally by surprise. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. Below is one man’s account of his terrifying experience.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works: Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your shopping into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look.) When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say no but instead ask for a ride to McDonalds. You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen Mar. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 25th. Also Feb. 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 28th, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

Warn your friends to be vigilant. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men!

Please send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam.

P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Store and bought out their stock in three of their stores. Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Costco, Etc.

P.P.S. The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.

Lenten Prayer

Dear Lord,
In the past year you have taken away my favorite actor (Patrick Swayze)
my favorite actress (Farah Fawcett)
my favorite musician (Michael Jackson) and
my favorite salesperson (Billy Mays).
I just wanted to let you know that my favorite legislator is Nancy Pelosi.
Amen

The Way Of The Dinosaur

It's been a long time. I can't remember how long, and I'm too lazy/busy to look it up. But somewhere around two (yep, count 'em, TWO!) years ago we had a major problem at work. One of our Cisco Catalyst 6509 core Ethernet switch had major problems. Turns out we had some bent pins on the backplane in slot 2. In laymen's terms, the place where you plug the brains into the switch was broke. We still had one "brain" (a.k.a. supervisor module) but the redundant one couldn't be used. The only solution to get our redundancy back? Replace the whole chassis.

Replacing an entire switch chassis is NOT a small job. There were literally hundreds of servers connected to this switch in the data center. So we set out on a very. long. journey. We got a replacement chassis from Cisco and sloooooooowly began moving one server network connection at a time from the old switch to the new switch.

Fast forward to today. Thanks to a big push in the last few days by some coworkers and me, we currently have only 7 more connections on this switch. And if things go according to plan, they'll all be changed to the new switch by Saturday afternoon. (Yeah, I have to go to work on Saturday. And it's supposed to be nice weather, too! Bummer...)

Some might not see the significance of this accomplishment, but those of us that have worked on it over these many months are psyched! We've scheduled a ceremonial power-off ceremony for Monday afternoon. Two of us will switch off the dual redundant power supplies, and everyone present will have the opportunity to disconnect one of the many ancient RJ-21 Ethernet cable connections. It will be stupendous when this switch makes itself extinct, and we can go on with our other more exciting, less mundane, projects.